A while back, my endocrinologist asked me why I had stopped taking Vitamin D. Not remembering the reason, I responded as such--and she responded with a look I have given to clients and told me to resume taking Vitamin D on a daily basis. My levels were low enough, that for the first few months she had me taking an extra large dose.
Knowing that to not follow through would make me a hypocrite, at least in the eyes of clients who went off their medications for no good reason, I bought a new bottle of D3 and got back in line. It took only a week for me, and my husband, to remember why I stopped.
Dreams. Sometimes, nightmares.
Apparently for some people, myself being one of the lucky few, the combination of Vitamin D and Metformin can lead to some realistic dreams. In my case, these dreams can also be quite frightening; as in, wake up screaming or shaking or crying. The varying nature of these dreams (ranging from killing someone to running from a serial killer to walking around work naked) and their realistic quality has caused me to think about dreams and the purpose they serve.
Bookstores have shelves lined with books the promise to help you "properly" interpret any dream. Certain religions feel all dreams are messages from a higher being about what is to come or to work out one's demons. I think the most commonly held belief about dreams is that they help to work out in our sleep what we fear to work out in a wakeful state. I have found, for me at least, that dreams serve a multitude of purposes.
Several times I have woken to see someone sitting on the edge of the bed or standing in the room. Never has this caused fear, rather a great sense of peace and certainty that God is watching over me.
I have sensed for a long time, first voicing it in college, that I would never be a parent to a human child. One night before falling asleep, I asked God if there was any way to know what it would be like to feel life growing inside of me as that was the one thing I was still lamenting. That very night, I had a dream I was pregnant. A dream so real I could feel the baby moving inside of me. A dream so real I awoke at peace with the knowledge I would never be pregnant.
I have also had dreams in which everything I've ever wished to say to someone I finally express, usually at full volume and with extreme hand gestures. I wake from these first fearing that it really happened, a fear that is quickly replaced with two-fold relief: 1) I didn't actually scream at that person; and 2) doing so in my dream actually gave me true enough release that the need to do so in real life no longer persisted.
So, what spurred this blog? Last night I dreamed my period returned. Like, full-on. I awoke and realized quickly it was not true, the hysterectomy did occur, but also aware there is still more processing to be done. I also know part of the source of this dream is the fact that with every twinge of pain that is at all similar to before, every headache, every wave of nausea, I fear those symptoms are here to stay; that the hysterectomy was not the fix I hoped. In fact, as I am typing right now, I am cramping as much as before thanks to the various activities of the day.
I do not have nice, clean, and succinct answer to the purpose of dreams. As you can see from my examples, I have taken to understand my dreams in a variety of ways. The only thing I know for certain is that I continue with my daily dose of Vitamin D and my nightly dose of Metformin and most nights I dream in technicolor. I take comfort in the fact that I understand dreams to serve a multitude of purposes because all of my dreams certainly do not fit into one simple category.
What about you? What role do you believe dreams serve in your life? Leave a comment below and remember to follow the blog--I just may respond to you directly in the next entry!