At my church, worship band rehearsal begins with a devotion or exercise of some kind, followed by a time of sharing prayer requests/joys, and a time of prayer before we jump into the music. Since I'm singing this coming Sunday, I was at rehearsal on Wednesday night (which, on a side note, is why you did not get this then). Per usual, I shared an update; not per usual, it was a praise. It felt really good to share a praise.
Then someone asked me to share a follow-up on previous requests for prayer. I opened my mouth to respond and words I did not intend to speak came out of my mouth: 'Pray for acceptance. I can't pray for healing anymore. It'd be great if God did it, but my faith can't take it not happening anymore. So, pray for acceptance.'
When that last word came out of my mouth, I sat stunned. I'm not sure this was observed by those around me, but internally, God and I were having a major moment. Because those words were not mine. Those words reflected the Holy Spirit speaking through me, saying something I knew I needed to say but couldn't bring myself to. Instead, the Spirit did it for me.
I've been thinking about it since. It has been such a powerful experience that whatever I was going to write about for this part two is no longer in my recollection.
When we call God to the mat, God will meet us there. But, be prepared, because God will also wrestle back. I believe these words are the beginning of that for me.
I will not put God in a box and I won't limit what God might choose to do. Along with that, though, I believe the Holy Spirit is helping me learn that God is saying to me: 'If you believe I am God and if you believe I have your best interest in mind and if you believe I am guiding your life, then you need to let go of the control. Let me make the decisions. Let me show you what is right. Let. Me.'
I'm still processing all of this, so this is one of my more raw blogs, but you were promised a part 2, so here it is.
Take God to the mat; I believe God invites us to do so. But when you do, know that God will wrestle back. Know that you might be surprised by what comes out and the shaping God has in front of you.
So, in the end, maybe I did come out with a limp. I don't yet know. What I do know, is I'll keep working towards acceptance and I'll ask God to help me with it.
Even so, come Lord Jesus.