Journey to a Hysterectomy: Part 1
I’m diving right in, folks! It is my hope in this series that in sharing my processing of this event, I’ll help others who are journeying this path; or even those who have journeyed this road and are still struggling with the aftermath.
As I write (not necessarily post—the website will be live in a day or two and I want it loaded with entries!), I am 26 days away from my surgery date. In many senses, I’m more than ready for it, but in others I am still wrestling. But I’m jumping ahead a bit.
I’m 37 years old. My husband and I have two fur-babies we love more than we can explain, but no human kiddos. We have nephews and “nieces” we love dearly and enjoy spending time with. We don’t know for certain that we have fertility issues, but we’ve been married nearly 10 years and no baby, so…
I was very young when my period started, 11 I think, and what I remember most over the years is the pain. I was in middle school when I had my first gynecological exam and ultrasound because of that pain. I couldn’t tell you how many ultrasounds I’ve had since then.
Pain. Always pain. Pain even as I sit here and type. It is just there. A constant, nagging, thing that over the years has done nothing but increase to the point it is now—daily.
But that isn’t all. I’ve also had what I consider an abnormal flow. I say ‘what I consider’ because doctors apparently think abnormal only means irregular or trip-to-the-ER-heavy; mine have never been that. Here’s what I mean by abnormal: I once went 6 months with absolutely nothing; I’ve had months with a mere 2 days of no activity—yes, I’m saying 28 days of active something (trying not to be too graphic for any males in the bunch!); I’ve had what I deem ovarian spasms with ‘no cause’; ‘normal’ ultrasounds despite abundant pain; undiagnosable PCOS (I actually had a PA tell me ‘it if looks like a duck and walks like a duck’); and endometriosis.
I’ve also tried every oral birth control on the market. None of these really did anything for me. I had a laparoscopy for the endometriosis—it gave pain relief for a bit, but not long enough to make it worth going through that again.
So, from age 11 to age 37 I’ve been struggling with this part of me. I’m certain it is significant factor in my weight struggles. I’m certain it is a contributing factor in my depression.
For all of these reasons, I am so ready for it to be over. I’m trying to imagine what it will be like to not have that kind of pain all the time. I’m also trying to imagine what it will be like to not be burdened by the disgusting realities of it all (sorry guys!).
But having a hysterectomy is more than that. There’s a lot of feels that go with it. Read on.