Rev. Kate J Meyer, LPC
I have this pattern in my life; maybe you can relate.
Set a goal. Start full-steam ahead accomplishing the goal.
Miss one step or one day.
Self-sabotage any additional forward progress.
Forget about the goal and give up.
Is this familiar? For me, this pattern has repeated with exercise programs, food plans, and writing goals. For those of you who are subscribers, you are very aware of this last one because you recently have not received a weekly blog from me.
But, this time, I've been making some positive changes. I didn't let one bad week derail my progress in a new exercise program I'm loving. I also will not give up on this blog.
Writing is a passion of mine and I am an author. I have books I know need to be written, whether or not they're ever available for public consumption; but, building a platform of which this blog is a foundation, is central to making those books available for public consumption. So, onward I go!
I keep a running list on my phone of blog topics when I think of so that when I hit a lull of not knowing what to write, I can revisit that list and, hopefully, be inspired. Today's quote comes from that list and ties in quite nicely with what we're already discussing. The quote is from the CBS show 'God Friended Me', season 1 episode 14, "The Trouble with the Curve" which aired on 2/17/19. During that episode, Miles says: "But I think the most difficult decisions we're faced with are not about success or failure, but finding the courage to simply try again."
If we allow our lives to be defined in terms of failure or success, we will live a live filled with significant ups and downs both in emotions and in self-worth. This is no way to live. But, if instead we look at each situation as an opportunity to reflect, regroup, and restart, we change the outcome.
You see, if success or failure directly correlate to self-worth, that means your self-worth is defined by whoever defines success or failure. Do you see the problem with that? Typically those words are defined by people in power, many of whom don't actually want you to succeed, at least not in a lasting way. The people in charge of your self-worth, then, are people who don't want you to ever stop failing because then you won't come back to them for help. It's a vicious cycle that leads to terrible self-talk which breeds poor self-esteem which results in limited, if any, self-worth.
This. Is.Not. Okay.
I believe each and every person is created as a child of God and therefore inherently worthy. Society should not be set-up to take that away.
Imagine instead the following: You have something that doesn't go your way. Say, just as a random example, you set a goal to publish a blog every Wednesday. Then, just a short time in, you miss a Wednesday. Rather than labeling it a failure and then enduring the negative self-talk and the spiral that creates, what if you instead start with giving yourself some grace. Then, be real with yourself about what happened to create the undesired outcome. Then, give yourself some more grace. Then, start looking at the barriers and figuring out which ones you'll and how you'll defend against those you can't change. Make a plan. Cheer yourself on.
If you can follow that pattern, suddenly your self-talk changes, so your view of self-changes, and that means your self-worth doesn't take a hit.
They might seem like simple, low impact words.
But they can pack a punch.
Pay attention to how your react when things don't go as you intended. Give yourself grace. Cheer yourself on. Take action and make a plan.
The world only has one YOU and the world NEEDS you. You have worth. You have value. You have something to contribute.
Dig up your inner courage and try again.